I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
