girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
