his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
