so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
