am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
