Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
