you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The adults are the big ones right?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
