New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
They have beer where we have blood.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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