WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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