Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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