Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
