..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
