Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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