is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
