nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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