"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
