I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
