this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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