Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
