My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
