His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
