so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
