Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize