Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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