Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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