I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
