the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
