Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The Olympian is in my bed
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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