dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
