His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im holly from the hills drunk
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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