You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
