she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
