I think im going to throw up on grandma
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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