it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
