I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
