so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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