ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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