I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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