I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
