she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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