I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
