I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
