Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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