think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
