I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
