Umm I'm too high to move.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
