i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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