You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Boobs speak an international language.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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