My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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