honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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