Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
