guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This baby is an asshole
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
