did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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