this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
