At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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