I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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