Three words: puerto rican gang bang
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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