Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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