Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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