I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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