i don't plan on having that self control this summer
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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