Pants 0. Shit 1.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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