I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
