jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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