Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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