he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
