Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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