i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
