i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
